After Silence

I was so proud of you before,
You had learned how to say sorry.
In front of many, you had confronted your fears.
You had overcome your self.

Then things went awry.
Things always come around full circle.

What matters is what we do with with it--when it does come around.
Whether we make the same mistakes,
Or whether we take courage and reach out in humility, or even more simply
Out of acceptance.

The kind of acceptance that doesn't judge or assume,
The kind that accepts for good or bad.

That kind of courage that we see in children.
When they are hurt they cry out.
When they are happy they share their joy.

That kind of humility we find in our elders.
When in doubt they ask.
Or, they hold their silence until ready.

What matters is we live without carrying the weight
Of the mistakes and failures we had to make
To grow into that acceptance, that strength to say sorry.
That letting go of the self.

I was so proud of you before.
And I say to you that things will continue to come around full circle.
What matters, is whose hands, you hold when it does.

06 September 2008

Acknowledging What Is and What Was

The shift from indifference born out of choice to a need for awareness birthed by an admission of what is essential is always difficult.

The gravity lies in cherishing 'now' as opposed to living in the 'then.'

Slingshot

Will you shoot down the stars;
Riddle the galaxies with cheese holes?

Will you shout against the deafening sea;
Push back the salty waves?

Will you rage against the dying light;
And laugh in the long tunnel?

Will you wage war against dead laws;
Defy so that you can truly live?

On and on, going like an Energizer Bunny--
Will, will, will, that's all you'll ever need.
I know you can. Willpower and Faith--
Together and greater than any seed.
As Man and Woman.

An Atomic Slingshot, that's what we are!
The only real thing in a world of Symbols;
The only electric pair in a negative place.

Isn't it funny now, when you dream you smile?
For this is the Real Thing--A Nuclear Love.

--
1996

Reading Hesse

My insider's voice seeks the indifferent lights:

The call of quieter things heeded,
The scent of farther flowers felt,
And the sight of silent songs shimmering.

My inner blood has risen:

To pulse and flow with quiet grace--
Unknown powers bequeathed by strange times.

The littlest emotion doubled ten times over,
The slightest touch an important story,
And the faintest color a bigger rainbow.

My inner song now breaking the dawn:

--
1996

Love Is A Fickle Color

Love is a fickle color
Turned grey in a moment's notice.
It used to be a rainbow,
Strong enough to bridge black nights.
It used to shine and glow.

Love is a color made clear,
By selfish stories and lies.
Really a charcoal black behind the board,
A dirty white under a red heart,
A colorful soul now shaded grey.
Like memories muddled into a muddy yellow

Love used to be a climbing rainbow-
And white and black beautiful colors.
Now love is a color commonly found
In the beating of a dead grey heart.

--
1996

To Light A Candle

For you this Shining Light
Leaping in the silent darkness,
Glowing in the one night.

For you, to ease the loneliness,
Hidden tears and pain,
Sleeping alone in the darkness.

For you, shelter from cold rain-
Warmth and Light,
To break and shatter our chain.

For you, this Shining Light
Fighting the silent darkness,
Waiting for that one night.

--
1996

Alcyone Notes

Can you tell me the way up?
Can you show me what three words can do?
Will you hold me tight, do you have to go?
Will you touch my lips, do you have to stop?
Now I know,
Now you know.
Will you stand with me?
I question because I am afraid.
When you leave will you think of me?
Will this vast blue distance lessen your love?
What do you seek? No oracle is needed.
You are all that I know, what more is there to ask?
We know and yet we are afraid.
Is this childish, is this False?
I only know it to be true.
At night I dream of you, no, I try.
I have had you and I want your warmth.
When will you come back?
When will we face this together?
I will not wait for some god's hooded message,
Nor a saddened ghost.
What is this distance?
I know together we can face
Alone we both die.
Now you know how I feel
Will you stay with me?
I ask and question through this distance
For I am afraid.
Do you still look at the same moon,
Bright and shining through the night?
Do you whisper my name and your love
While away?
Will you still love me
Through that open door
That vast distance?
I do not know
For I am afraid.

--
1996

She Walks In Moonlight, 1996

She walks in moonlight,
Flickering shadows with every step.
Her fragile beauty a rare sight,
For shimmering stars fast asleep.

Wake! Wake! Her beauty rides the night-
Brighten every star, affix every color!

Turn on those hidden planets, brighten now.
Lose your dreams of shadowed sadness
For here is beauty, here is quiet gladness;
With every step iridescent rainbows grow.

Wake! Wake! Her beauty rides the night-
The one comet lady who walks in moonlight.


Comm.1 under Aileen Salonga, 2nd Sem. 1996

I Wonder

Where do you begin when you have left off halfway? At the beginning? Haruu (Think Scooby Doo).

Lessons I Have Learned And Wish To Share

What are you born with?

• Nothing. You are born alone, but you are born with a soul, purpose, potential, and God in you.
• No name. Your name is given by your parents/primary caregivers but essentially you are nameless until you start defining that which was given.

What do you take with you when you die?

• Nothing. You die alone, but you take with you-your soul, your purpose, your actualized potentials, and the God in you.
• You take yourself, your name, the Word that is you, the sum of your experience.

So what do you do while you are alive?

• Learn
• Love
• Decide
  
• Commit to Cherish

Why is important to actualize while you are alive?

• There is an unseen war wherein you must decide.
• You may have had that choice made for you, or you may have unconsciously sided already.

Swimming

Isn't this whole Phelps quest for 8 olympic golds wonderful?
http://sports.inquirer.net/inquirersports/inquirersports/view/20080812-154077/Phelps-on-track-for-Olympic-gold-dream

Olympic journeyman John Lezak's push was pretty cool as well!
http://sports.inquirer.net/breakingnews/breakingnews/view/20080812-154074/Phelps-gold-quest-2-down-6-to-go

Here's what really rocked my boat though,
http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2008/08/11/sports/OLY-SWM-Hansens-Flop.php

To think I used to do a 1.16 or so.

Bad Poetry

Something you have to be extremely, extremely careful about.
There's a malicious purity to the internet that you cannot discount.
Knowing her. I am anticipating something fierce.

Milking It.

I find the walking to be fraught with stories. Subplots along the way that chapter my life with commas and exclamations of diverse and opportune moments.

I see that this walk will take a novel path.

Matching the Emptiness

feel empty.

but that means you have a huge space to fill then, day by day. you take each happy/memorable moment from each day and you shore up the walls of your inside heart.

you choose the colorful ones to keep it a mosaic of lolmemories.

Am actually depressed too, but then I catch my breath and remember to pray or at least put myself in a state of prayer where my heart matches the beat of a small prayer yearning for clarity and humility--the strength to walk with light.

At times we feel empty because the dark permeates our field of vision...that field being the path we set out on when we were born. If you look back over your shoulder carefully you will see lights that you have affixed along the way. These lights are signposts built from memories and achievements. Looking forward, everything does seem dark and bleak--but if you stop to take a long breath, you will notice a light in the distance.

The analogy of living daily as compared to a journey is cliche, it is mundane. Yet, how else can small beings like us (who as we grow along, actually become huge to match our hearts--if we grow right), see what is really there?

Not a path, but a flowing towards the All. If (Wo)Man could really see, then maybe our skin would be aflame and our eyes bright and golden from beauty. Our hair would be bleached to
a lame brilliance, our hearts would beat with light.

If we could really see, which is why we are given life, then we will be living lights for others. Then the emptiness will not matter. For in that emptiness, when looked through love, we see light. We have no other choice but to do so, we are fated to love.

CISV

I've started a personal project to look for all the people I went to camp with. CISV Barr, France 1988 (Strasbourg). Lets see what happens. I've found one of the Leaders, Herman B. Oudine is safely tucked in my Facebook account. Let's see if I can find Heidi Kragesteen.