An Intermission

I spent the 24th of December traveling with older cousin to help him take someone home to her province. Along the way he talked about how people differ when expressing love and how my pain and fault is rooted in expecting something in return from showing love. He said that people express love in different ways so the trick is to learn to listen to the other person's language of love. Instead of expecting them to understand right off the bat how you show it. He had to learn this the hard way, as he was married before and is annulled now. The defining moment for him was one rainy day in Makati, where while out on the street in the rain under an umbrella he noticed his wife through a window coiffed, made up, and socializing with other similarly attired people. Love is a verb. You shouldn't expect anything in return. I countered that I believe that love is a decision. He agreed. I guess if you truly believe in a love worth fighting for you will make that decision. And do it.


What is your language of love?

My love consists of a decision and the keeping of a heart large enough to accept everything. I may be stubborn, overtly emotional, and melancholic. I may fall and stumble along the way. It may take me a while to learn things. But what I do know is that I am worth it and that my love is an action with every inhaled breath.

I do it.

That's a good Christmas gift I think.

Deus Ex Machina

Be wary when someone starts to reel you in with puzzling talk and shards of description.  There seems to be a surfeit of fear in the air these days.  It beckons to extinguish. It is a siren call towards the jagged recesses within you.

When you're placed in such a situation, realize, that sometimes the best course of action is to tie yourself down physically.  Even Odysseus frowned thereafter.
-----

Do not expect others to have what is necessary to remain steadfast. Be there for them and stand by them if you can. After all is said and done you can look up with clear eyes.

When you cross streets with them, make sure that they are on your protected side so you face the oncoming traffic.
-----

Learn what it means to be stoic, to be virtuous by maintaining your will.

Learn what it means to be spartan, to be simple in the face of excess.

Know that some people thrive with the canting of tragedy, the recounting of human suffering that paradoxically  provides pleasure to the audience.
-----

Accept hamartia and learn to from it, anagnorisis may just be around the corner.

Ceyx may not have had a choice.

Memory can be a dangerous thing.  Add ego to that and you create a vehicle capable of destroying dreams.

Where We Wait

I stepped out to walk while everyone was asleep.  My feet led me to the adoration chapel wherein I had stayed overnight one time when I was younger and had no place to go. 6 hours I sat then, until it was light outside. I think I may have cried a bit then, come to think of it. Some people drown it with alcohol and some people take to drugs when things get bad.  Others seek friends to share with, while others run away to make new ones to leave the hurt behind.

I've always wondered why for me it has been otherwise, why at the brink, I end up sitting in quiet and watching my breath rise and fall.  More so, I tend to end up in churches, when truth be told, I'm the last person to attend mass. I miss going to mass, for the simple reason of knowing that every Sunday it will be there to go to.

Adoration chapels have been a refuge for me, a place to retreat and reflect.  For a person who is already mostly internal, these places serve to magnify the feelings and the hurt until they ring in my ears. Until the silence and the quiet of the chapel becomes all that is left.

I think I end up in quiet and in prayer mostly because I have too much hope in me. That's probably why I don't turn to drink or to drugs or something equally stupid when I am depressed. Not that I haven't in the past, mind you.  Mostly, maybe, it's just that I am too stupid not to do anything but hope for the best. Then again, I think I've learned a few things along the way and I know better now--or at least, a little more.  I think what it is, is that I still have the same quality of hope I've had when I was a child.  The quality that allowed me to sit for hours in the parking lot after dismissal waiting for someone to fetch me while everyone else had gone home. I remember how I would sit and sit and believe that the next car to come through the Salamanca gate would be one of ours. Failing that, I would hope that the next unknown car coming in was borrowed and had come to fetch me because no one else would be able to. Many an afternoon I sat waiting: while everyone else had gone home, after the guards had taken down the flag of the pole in front of the theater. I spent many childhood afternoons honing that talent--hoping against time.

Do we actively wait or do we fool ourselves, time and time again, into hoping for the best when in fact we can choose how to feel and how to react?

Next time I end up at that adoration chapel, I will focus on the great white wafer.  Sometimes we forget that adoration should be profound.

Steak and Shiitake Mushroom Cream Pasta (Not Quite Stroganoff)

850 grams. of steak strips (I used 2 large pieces, perforated sirloin, Lawry's Seasoning Salt, then rubbed with Extra Virgin Olive Oil) tossed with crushed garlic (half a head) and more EVOO. Added some fresh lemon as well. Let sit for at least an hour. 


Saute 1 large onion and aforesaid garlic in EVOO (trimmed fat from steak and used in saute). Add butter, then toss in Shiitake (6-8 large whole, julienned) strips.  Sweat the mushroom. Pepper. Put aside. 


Reuse olive oil, add more butter, shock fry steak on high heat (less than a minute).  


Deglaze with a can of Campbell's Mushroom Soup (plus same can with water taken from cooking pasta). Extremely low heat, simmer. Add a can/tetra pack of all purpose cream. Dollop of butter. Adjust seasoning to taste (salt and pepper). 


Toss in pasta (fettucine works better). Parmigiano. 

1 Corinthians 13:4

This is helping me right now be whole.

The Gift of Love

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, 
but do not have love, 
I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 
And if I have prophetic powers, 
and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, 
and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, 
but do not have love, I am nothing. 
If I give away all my possessions, 
and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.

 Love is patient; love is kind; 
love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. 
It does not insist on its own way; 
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, 
but rejoices in the truth. 
It bears all things, believes all things, 
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, 
they will come to an end; 
as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, 
it will come to an end. For we know only in part, 
and we prophesy only in part; 
but when the complete comes, 
the partial will come to an end. 
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, 
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; 
when I became an adult, 
I put an end to childish ways. 
For now we see in a mirror, dimly, 
but then we will see face to face. 
Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, 
even as I have been fully known. 
And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; 
and the greatest of these is love.

Sitting Here

I sit here, while the long day winds down around me.
There are people around talking and sharing an hour's worth
Music streams words that many want to hear
Here are students leaving the week's worries for a while
The wind wafts the scent of rain, now it doesn't seem too bad
Small birds, hidden, welcome the brightening evening


But more so, there is you.

I never understood "Charlotte's Web" when I was a kid. Never did. Now, suddenly it hits me this waning afternoon: It was about how simple words of love can help save a life. 

Thank you.

Learning Integrity.

Integrity. For an educational counseling class, I chose 'Pagkamatapat' as the Filipino translation. Lord, grant me the strength to make this quality a pillar of my life.  Translated 'pagkamatapat' pertains to the quality of being strong and true. I could have chosen 'karangalan' or 'dangal' but those words seem to have dignity as a root.


Integrity, I think, is something much more powerful.  My mother has it and I think that is what has allowed her to live each day as if it were her last despite the depression, suffering, pain, and what not.


Lord, grant me the strength to live with grace, the strength to face everyday with integrity.


Thanks Jim, Joel, Not Being Eaten By Cush, and other people I am proud to have as friends, distance or divide not withstanding.


How can you descend to anger or futility or madness when you have so much more to do?

Stolen

I find a thrill in keeping it apart,
Risking it all for nothing
But a heartbeat rush.
I expect a little suffering,
Towards this morning's start.
Who would have it any other way?
(Then again my feet are made of clay
And I know the sin of inertia.)


Given it is a crime to want
What you cannot keep beyond tomorrow.
And its sorrows, they stand up front,
Then keep you from wanting more.


Dated 06June2009

Square Knots and Now

When you know more than you should, what do you do?


Do you keep quiet knowing that it may destroy you? Or do you kneel and pray when it hits you without mercy--without warning?  Vince says that these are intrusions and that in the end they are not yours to deal with but theirs. What then?  How do you keep the music playing?  Is prayer enough when the walls around you are crashing and no one else notices when you scream?  How do you make sure that the music moves towards denouement?


Who will unravel this for me if not myself? Relief work has consisted mostly of repacking and carrying. Somewhere down the line I realized I could help make things more efficient. So I took time out to teach others how to tie square knots when completing the relief bags. Many listened and things worked out faster then before--no more messy knots and goods slipping out. I showed them how when you follow a pattern: right over left, then left over right, and then pull on both ends, that you create something that works.

I learned how to make that knot because someone, Mamita actually, invested time in me to go through Boy Scouts of America.  From Cub to Life, she drove me to den meetings and council meetings; she made sure I had the uniforms and equipment.  She gave me my first Swiss knife just so you know. Pappi gave me one as well, a Swiss Champ, complete with messages he scribed himself onto the blades but that was much, much later.  Mamita was there to sew the badges. She was there to take the pictures.  Pappi helped me with that Pinewood Derby Car that you see in the sala (the camouflage one) but it was Mamita who ordered it through the APO. Bottom line, I think, is that when I remember my experience with Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, it's her insistence that I always had Welch's grape juice for camping trips that makes me smile.


She knew what was important and through the years she knew more than she was supposed to. And yet, she still comes back. She still makes sure there is enough and that when truly needed, things are acted upon. She's understood the need for good knots, I guess. Wow, after almost 20 years of fighting and talking back to her, I've finally realized that I have the best mom in the world.


What about Pappi? That's interesting too, actually. When I think about it, it was Mamita who was always practical and who always made plans but it was Pappi who knew what to do when emergencies struck. When Pinatubo and the earthquake happened in the 90's--he was the one who acted.  Mamita crushed us to her chest but it was Pappi who made sure we were out and safe.  Whenever it flooded in the old house, he would be out making sure the roofs were fine and the second floor terrace wouldn't turn into a swimming pool (which it had a propensity to become). When the Lumber and Hardware store burned, he was the first one to assess.  Last year, a little before Christmas, when I got really sick and was asphyxiating and paralyzed from Tonsillitis he was the one who took me to Medical City. There you go, after almost 20 years of hating him, I see that despite his failings he is someone I will never turn my back on.  More so now, that I have made new choices and have stuck my guns to them.


I'm rambling, trying to make sense and connect the events of the past few days--both external and internal. I said this rain has changed everything, I see it is true for many people.


I learned from the BSA guidebook, which I still have and have kept for you (complete with Mamita's sign off on the parent's signature parts), that this is the best knot to know. As you pull on the finished ends it holds tight and true and yet you can allow it to have give so it can be adjusted. This is a good knot.


This is the same knot I've used over the years when I chose The Way. From white, to green, to brown, then to black--this is the knot that held my center down.  The belts would fray and fade over time, but the knot held true. The colors and stripes have changed, but the center remains true.


I guess that's what you do when you know more than you should then.  You take a deep breath, and you move with the strength that your parents built into you while growing up. Whether one parent spent more time with you than the other--what is important is you hold on to the fact that you are loved more than anything else.  You will see later on that there is truly no school to learn how to be a good parent but that is hurdle compared to bonds that cannot be broken. That is part of the fraying and the fading. The knots hold true though.  You have a good core.  We are blessed that you have the gift of joy in you.  Hold fast to that. When things get tough, remain true. Repetition worked? Good.


At this point I've come unraveled a bit, to be honest.  I know much more than I should and I think too much. I've worried needlessly. Typhoon Ondoy/Ketsana came and went. I've gone out to help--with my best friend and on my own. I've seen how true it is when Tito BQ said that you can choose how you feel and how you are affected.  I don't regret the sore back and muscles nor things that I've shared nor the choices I've made. The benefit is I got to sweat out indolence anyway. Well, that and other things.


I write this entry to align the bonds.  I always quote Jane Sibbery that, "it can't rain all the time," but accept that it can't be 'sunshiney' all year either.  I write this entry to add to the length of square knots that have made up my life. I write this entry to reaffirm the gift that my own parents bequeathed me, that of passion.


I take this time out to center myself and I follow your lead as well. Joy is good. Sometimes passion drowns. If you keep both close though, I have a feeling it will work out.  I banish fear then. I choose joy. I choose now where to direct passion.  I pull to me the threads that have come loose and reweave the tapestry of music. Wait. That was verbose. Here then:


Even when it floods know that your knots will hold true. You know the Boy Scout motto yourself: Be prepared. Sometimes it doesn't work out so well, so add this then to that.  Be true.


High five Coral.

So It Did

I've been writing and dreaming about rain for a week prior.


So it did.


I should have heeded and listened--I should have prepared.


I'll do what I can.


I promise.


Now, I put aside things for another time.

Steadfast

You know how He said that you should be steadfast and true? Why is it then, that when you are, you are accused of being emotionless and that your speech is devoid of feeling? 


Why is it that when you choose to be strong in light of what you truly want to achieve, They become inconstant and wavering? 


You say my eyes can be empty, but you do not see that they reflect only yours and that they hold the world for you.  That these eyes see straight through to you and that they hold nothing but love.


When I was young, I was nothing but emotion. Now that I am a man, I choose to commit and to act.


You may say that love is a feeling.  I believe that love is a decision--that it is a choice.


Whatever happens from here on in. I will not waver from that which I have set my heart on nor will I ever forget my own reasons.


You asked me how I knew, I shrugged and said there are times when you just know and somewhere inside you irrevocably decide as you've recognized your other. You said it was the same for you.


Whatever challenges this day brings, I tell you, I remain steadfast and true.  I show you, that I love you.

Coral: This was one of my favorite fairy tales when I was a small boy. In the introduction, the narrator enthuses: 


     "All the soldiers looked exactly alike except one. He looked a little different as he had been cast last of all. The tin was short, so he had only one leg. But there he stood, as steady on one leg as any of the other soldiers on their two. But just you see, he'll be the remarkable one."


Be steadfast and true when you find her. It will see you through.

Leave The Rain Behind

What do you do when your socks get soggy from walking in the rain? Do you take them off, or do you squish and squish until you get home?


What do you do when you bend down to check your shoes and find scuff marks all over them? Do you use a Sharpie and smile? Or do you just shrug and walk off?


What do you do when someone tells you that something is lacking? When deep inside you're screaming and screaming?


What do you do when you're called to write and nothing comes out but a cry of anguish?


Here's what you do.


You take a bath and scrub with salt (or baking soda).


You reset.


Fresh socks, clean shoes, and you start running towards what your heart desires.


You leave the rain behind.

It Can't Rain All the Time, Jain Siberry

Jane Sibbery is playing right now and she's just finished singing that 'it can't rain all the time.'
And on cue, the rain did stop. Now it's going to rain over there I bet.


Jane Siberry - It Can't Rain All the Time


[SPOKEN:]
We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see.

[SUNG:]
I hear pounding feet in the,
in the streets below, and the,
and the women crying and the,
and the children know that there,
that there's something wrong,
and it's hard to belive that love will prevail.

Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.

Oh, when I'm lonely,
I lie awake at night
and I wish you were here.
I miss you.
Can you tell me
is there something more to belive in?
Or is this all there is?

In the pounding feet, in the,
In the streets below, and the,
And the window breaks and,
And a woman falls, there's,
There's something wrong, it's,
It's so hard to belive that love will prevail.

Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall, your tears won't fall, your tears won't fall
forever.

Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms.
Whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still belive.
But then the emptiness of a burning sea against which we see
our darkest of sadness.

Until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.
When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?

It won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall, your tears won't fall,
your tears won't fall
forever.

Remember that Men think in terms of boxes. Things can be boxed up and put away. Boxes can fit into other boxes. The boxes may not even have to touch.


Women think in terms of wires. Everything touches. All the wires are connected.


These wires have a tendency to pierce the boxes.

Rain.


Crying.


Tears.


Fall.


Life is best expressed without misery.


And yet I drown and drown.

Assess

I guess it is true that at times you do have to stop and assess.  Is it a decision or is it a feeling? And if so, what is the difference?

You save the world by not being sad and being your usual cheerful self; when you're of good cheer, flowers spring up in secret places to be enjoyed by adventuring children.

You've Always Been Right

The day the aliens landed, I took it back and told you, you were right.
After they had taken the best of us and most of the water, you said we would overcome.
After they had herded us and kept us apart, the last thing you said was you'd see me again.
After they had taken my eyes and broken me to take away the memory of you, 
I thought you but a dream or a scrap of a painting seen once as a small child.
The only thing left was the color of your hair and the feel of a whispered hope.
The only thing left was a submission, but not to them.


The day you broke through and held me while I cried, you told me I was right.
You repeated what I said, that my stories were what saw us through.
I doubted you then, as their ships left one by one, I doubted as I could only hear.
But you held me close, until the shaking and the screaming left me. 
You held me fast even after all the stories had left me.
You brought water to my lips even as my fingers could not even trace 
The shape of your face nor feel the fall of your hair.


After the last of them had left, the day I died you, you said I would see you again, 
And I doubted.  Even as the darkness was replaced by an unfolding of light
And the stories started coming back, I doubted, oh how I doubted.
But then the memories of you filled the gaps, your face filled the spaces.
The day I died, I did see you cry. I did see a part of your fear that maybe 
You would not see me after all. I have no mouth to speak nor hands to write,
I don't know if you can hear me, but I want you to know that all is well.


That you've always been right. That even after this world has ended 
And we've taken to the stars, that our stories will see us through. 
And that even now, as you lead the rest to chase them,
I want you to know you've always been right, and that what doubt you have 
Is but proof of a larger story.  That even as the earth dies we will still carry
The stories. That our children's children will have cause to hope.
That what has always set us apart from them is the rightness of our love.

Soulmate Stories?

Is there such a thing as a soulmate story?  Have I been hopping about on a single leg far too long?


Remember how I used to share that we get into relationships for two reasons? These two lessons kept repeating themselves from dreaming to scarring.


One, is because we have to finish something that we didn't learn fully in that past life with them.


The second, is because we are meant to learn something with this person in the now.


If that's true, then what is a soulmate?


Then again, how can there not be such a thing as a soulmate, as everyday that we are apart--my heart roams through the wild earth in the whisper of prayers and fords this distance to see you, if but only to breathe?


If it is true then that we are meant for someone...


Why is it my heart is calm but waterfall-loud when beside yours?


You say it may just be a justification to be in and out of relationships. These two methods to learn. You may be right after all. Tell me, what then is the truth to having a twin soul? No don't tell me, it may already be in your eyes.

[Primeval man] could walk upright as men now do, backwards or forwards as he pleased, and he could also roll over and over at a great pace, turning on his four hands and four feet, eight in all, like tumblers going over and over with their legs in the air; this was when he wanted to run fast …Terrible was their might and strength, and the thoughts of their hearts were great, and they made an attack upon the gods ... Doubt reigned in the celestial councils. Should they kill them and annihilate the race with thunderbolts, as they had done the giants, then there would be an end of the sacrifices and worship which men offered to them; but, on the other hand, the gods could not suffer their insolence to be unrestrained. At last, after a good deal of reflection, Zeus discovered a way. He said: 'Methinks I have a plan which will humble their pride and improve their manners; men shall continue to exist, but I will cut them in two and then they will be diminished in strength and increased in numbers; this will have the advantage of making them more profitable to us. They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg.'

—Aristophanes, Plato’s Symposium,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soulmate

I Beg To Disagree

I beg to disagree with you, it's not words that are cheap, it's talk that is. It's talk that is not backed up by the walk. Worth less than a smirk or a turn of the lip. There's a cliché right there: 'Talk the talk, walk the walk.'

For a long time I would preach, literally preach, against the using of clichés. I've learned now, from you, not to discount what is essential in them. I see now what you mean when you say these lessons are pulled from somewhere. May pinaghugutan. May pinanggagalingan. Hopefully I spelled that right.

These clichés are rooted in truths, you're right about that. These statements are built on words that are straightforward and have no artifice. These words carry weight. These words have value. They are a form of action when taken for their worth.

On the other hand, it's when used with worthless talk, that these statements become trite. That the words used become so much drivel.

That makes sense.

So be it. Saying, "I'm sorry" is rooted in truth. Saying it over and over is cheap--the talk of it, that is. The action, on the other hand, makes sense. That is true.

The butterflies have signaled veracity.

I will talk less and will walk with you more.

Well Then.

I'm learning now that to be a fool is the easiest thing to do.

I've learned tonight that the fear we hold on to is a fool's mask best left unmade.

I am humbled.

Love stills the beating heart, then starts it anew.

In This Dying Light

How does one banish the pain of yesterday's song?

How does one put aside music that played for so long?

When does it actually begin--this thing called life?

Why is it that when it comes around, despair comes at its heels?

Elided

Her subtle knife carves you without remorse

A feeding, a yearning, consumata est

Feed the drama queen then, she is hungry

She lost her ring today, just so you know, on Market Road

Right after the corner turn, far from the gyre

The cobblestones still grimace at the thought

The merchants chant and drone:

"Ask, you will receive, ask, you will believe"

But this is a mantra that the streets do not share

For they keep what they reap

And leave the rest to the sighing afternoon.

And the jongleurs thrum all along:

Sable metal for a song,

"Vecchi e nuovi, vecchi e nuovi"

Tambourines to beckon the night,

A song for a penny, a drama for a life.

She lost her ring today, just so you know, on Market Road

Right before the fair scales, truth be told

The brewers still remember that story

They say her tongue and stare were just as sharp thereafter

And that her hands were ever after, so much more watchful

At the coming of the dawn.

Draft

Seethe

There is a curved glass, it reaches out to me.

There to one side, are boxes for shaping, they fit well.

Here then are the pieces to fit--worn smooth with repetition;

fetched from amongst yesterday's drift wood--Do you see?

I fold the damp paper just so, that the creases may hide us from prying.

These little cranes fill jars and jars--Do you see? They fit well.

And they are quiet, no sound, no echoing beach. No rushing.

These then are parts of a farther shore, these little inconsequential things

And here, I gather them to my breast: salt, whistling wind, and dry memory.

There is a place for these things, I know, it reaches out to me.

And I will not stand here for long, these things belong to the sea, not to me.

Unlikely Heros

Joel, a very good friend, provided pause just now:

BrakeJoel:

Don't let small stuff eat you up Cush, Don't read into things.

Be happy go lucky Cush and let things unfold like Mother nature intended.

You're strong, I know you can handle whatever she brings to the table.

Until it is served, just be the no worries Cush we all know.

There are 1 billion reasons why people do things,your aware,now let it unfold naturally.

BrakeJoel: Cush, Life is short smile and have fun. Keep your left paw up as to guard unsuspecting hook shots, other than that, LIVE LOVE ENJOY.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista: I use a southpaw stance, am a lefty

Cush Marcellus Evangelista: I used to teach people: Live, Love, and Learn

Cush Marcellus Evangelista: enjoyment is important too, you're right

brakejoel: Right paw up then smart a@@

Staying Up

What's important is that you do it for the right reasons. The day after will work itself out. If time is needed to help heal, then you spend that time. You make it work.

You do the right thing by Him.

Background Noise

Music is a clue as to what's going on around you, we forget that the truth is--God is a DJ. -The Cult of Cush

Right Now

I wish I could be a sparrow
To fly away,

There's too much beauty here.

It says in the Book, that not even a sparrow may fall without His notice.

Even in the midst of all this confusion, He raises me up.

Recently, It's All Been Nothing But Music

For the longest time, I could not listen to music with lyrics.

Now I hear nothing but lyrics.

I hear all around me, the plainitive cries of yearning and amazement. I hear bright explosions of beat and tone. Why hadn't I noticed this before?

Before, it was a weight to listen to the sung words of others, the cacophony of emotions usually left me trembling with a fear of the unknown. These singers, so carefree, sending across the digital divide, how they felt without concern.

I hear nothing but song now.

I tremble, because I know now, that you are truly singing for me.

It's 7pm and I'll know you'll get me

and we'll laugh the night away.

Tally

• A man's suffering lies in his ability to allow the women in his life to influence his decisions.
• The mistake men make is that they do not understand that courage is a quality without recourse to women but a strength born from the love of one.

Declined To Transfer

You keep at it. And you accept, that at times, the beat is just as good, when you both have shared memories despite not knowing.

Blood calls to blood, faith more so. That which we are born into is that which bears us to heaven.

Poems Written While Waiting

Written While Waiting

They say we are waiting for a sign
A reprieve or a benediction--They fathom not.
And yet I see clearly that time has frozen,
Into the waiting for a gentle kiss.
Into the anticipation of a stranger's touch.

The ferries were full at sunrise.
They took with them their cane backed chairs,
Their movable prams; their fears and hopes.

This afternoon the gray streets echoed
With the dust of their leavings,
With their wondering at the news.

The Others, they do not see the hope to be found
In the terrible beauty of Unknowing.

They passed me by! Me, with my quiet resolve.
They did not care to look as deeply,
At this advent which we two call fruition.

They do not see as I can see, they do not.
That waiting for you is action, action enough.
That as you gently, gently make your way here,
My heart beats ever so fast--faster and faster
Towards your gentle embrace.
--

Beneath The Roots, Summer Has Gone

The warp and weft of This--
The sinew and bone.
The twine and crease of This--
Untested, forsooth, unknown.

We make an assumption of dependability
Despite our record of frailty
At the receipt of awkward news
And the polite refusal of service.

The filament and the base of This--
It's buttons and it's thread.
The cartilage and marrow of This--
Coming towards an Indian summer's dread.
--

Indeterminate Pleasures

Five things keep me warm,
One, my slow hand curved beneath your pillow,
A kind word or Two before the slumber.
Third, The gentle curve of your hip, beckoning;
The rise and fall of your sleep's soft breath at Four.
The Fifth, I will keep secret until we meet again.
--

Facebook Wars: Guerlain and Sexual Identity

Facebook Wars: Guerlain and Sexual Identity

To call Guerlain’s KissKiss Gold and Diamonds lipstick the most expensive lipstick in the world may be a mistake. Sure, it’s priced at $62,000 USD, more than some houses. Sure, it comes in fifteen shades hand-selected by renowned French makeup artist Olivier Echaudemaison. Really, though, it’s the luxurious case that makes this lipstick sparkle. Literally.

A replica of Echaudemaison and designer Herve Van Der Straeten’s original 2005 KissKiss lipstick case, KissKiss Gold and Diamonds is aptly named. It’s made with 110g of solid 18-carat gold and 199 diamonds (2.2 carats in total). The case can even be engraved with your name or a personal message. So precious is this lipstick case that it comes with a black lacquered wooden case in which to store it. Furthermore, it includes a lip brush and black suede pouch. Thankfully, you won’t have to throw the extravagant lipstick case out when you’ve emptied it; it’s refillable.

This isn’t Guerlain’s first lipstick marvel. They’re also known for creating the first automatic lipstick and the first solid lipstick.

The world’s most expensive lipstick kit is only available by private appointment at Guerlain Boutiques at Bergdorf Goodman, Neiman Marcus San Francisco, The Breakers West Palm Beach and Epcot.

This article was taken from here.

The Comment War

It all began with a simple sharing of this darned lipstick. I like Guerlain because my mother and sisters like it too. Simple? Not so, apparently. Real names are used to pinpoint the culprits. Miguel read this when you're 30 and not a second before then.

Teresa Ibañez at 11:01am April 28

You are so gay, Cush.

The red lipstick suits you. *snickers*

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:05am April 28

Sorry, I prefer the shade, "nude."

Joy Fortich Fortich at 11:06am April 28

wow. even i dont wear leafstix

Teresa Ibañez at 11:08am April 28

Nude shade suits you. Matches your tan purse.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:08am April 28

Excuse me, that's a butter caramel Birkin (oversized).

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:09am April 28

Fortich Fortich: I've moved up from Urban Decay.
(Get it, get it?).

Teresa Ibañez at 11:11am April 28

Oh pardon my ignorance. Goes well with your silk, camel Hermés scarf too.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:35am April 28

I prefer my Cheval Sur Mon Carre, Bali Barret 2006. It's a green horse print.

The first perfume my mom ever gave me was Eau D' Orange Verte. Since then I've preferred citrus scents and Veblen goods.

Teresa Ibañez at 11:37am April 28

*Falls of the chair*

Dushka ka!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:39am April 28

What's a Dushka? I guess you didn't know that I used to design denim and had my own brand while in college.

Stella Torres at 11:43am April 28

I lurve diamonds, lurve Guerlain... but for that price, I'd rather buy the ticket to Paris and visit the parfumerie itself!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:44am April 28

Stella: Me too. Or rather, I'd buy a car.

Teresa Ibañez at 11:48am April 28

dushka = badushka = bading

Your dragon tattoo is not a good enough smokescreen.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:49am April 28

I'm comfortable with my sexuality. Funnily enough, one of my ex's (****) is spreading around dirt that I have a gay lover.

Teresa Ibañez at 11:52am April 28

Maybe she took your ironic, dry humor seriously.

Daming ganyan.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:55am April 28

Dude, we lived in for more than a year. She was never dry.

Teresa Ibañez at 11:57am April 28

I said you were dry not her... Ah, is that a stab at wit and humor? Sige na nga, papalampasin.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 11:59am April 28

You know it floored you with it's sexual double entendre.

Teresa Ibañez at 12:03pm April 28

At my age I don't get easily floored. Pero sige na nga, pagbibigyan.

*Tere is floored*

Maricar Serrano at 12:30pm April 28

hmmm....nude, gay lover, never dry, sexual doubles, floored! im done for the week!

thanks urchin!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 12:32pm April 28

On the other hand she was 36 at the time. Bgek.

Avic Cruz Mendoza at 12:35pm April 28

wow cush... Now i know.... :)

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:11pm April 28

OMGWTFBBQ. To clear things out. I like this shit for my women! Geddemit. Wapoise.

Teresa Ibañez at 1:14pm April 28

PIMPL! *pauso* -- peed in my pants laughing (sick of ROTFL)

Well it's a stupid lipstick. And whoever shells out $62K for that is even dumber. A lipstick is a lipstick is a lipstick.

Kumain ka na lang ng Lips candy. Same effect, sweeth pa.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:15pm April 28

Uhm. I meant for my Woman! FAIL.

Maricar Serrano at 1:19pm April 28

plural makes more sense, dush!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:20pm April 28

Tere, Re: A lipstick is a lipstick x3.

Not if it's Sexytime. Booyah!

Teresa Ibañez at 1:21pm April 28

Haha Dush for Cush... Teresa likes it *insert thumbs up icon*

Teresa Ibañez at 1:22pm April 28

Dush- you wear the lipstick, I'll get the bling.

Maricar Serrano at 1:25pm April 28

best deal for this trade gurl! im with yah! hahaha.....

Teresa Ibañez at 1:29pm April 28

Let's divide the spoils girl. I hope we can gyp Dush into buying that stupid lipstick.

Dush, will you buy us that lipstick purty please? The red will bring out the auburn highlights of your pretty tresses. *bats eyelashes*

Maricar Serrano at 1:32pm April 28

for sweeter hmmmmwahs, dush.... *wink...wink*...

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:36pm April 28

Dushinang buhay 'to oo.

Teresa Ibañez at 1:37pm April 28

PIMPL!

Maricar Serrano at 1:38pm April 28

bgek!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:39pm April 28

Matira matibay. Tere join BGEK! (TM).

Teresa Ibañez at 1:43pm April 28

Bgek? - I have yet to hear how that sounds in person. Okay, I will humor you. Bgek.

The only way that stupid lipstick will get my vote is if it can double as a diamond peel wand.

Teresa Ibañez at 1:46pm April 28

... or it can be used as a semaphore sa sobrang kinang...

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:46pm April 28

Tere: That's a standard feature. It also doubles as a Wifi Hub. The reception is diamond.

Teresa Ibañez at 1:48pm April 28

Okay Agent 007. Konti na lang, justified na ang $62K

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:48pm April 28

...Or it can pay off our national debt!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:52pm April 28

...Or it can make the woman be 'a beauty to be revealed; and a princess taking part of an epic adventure.'

Maricar Serrano at 1:53pm April 28

FAIL!
thats loose change for the moled midget...

make her join bgek...we need the funds!
... Read More
u got some serious lipsticks to buy!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 1:55pm April 28

Moled Midget. Haha EPIC. Makes our president sound like a Mexican dish redux.

Maricar Serrano at 1:56pm April 28

yes your royal dushkin!

Teresa Ibañez at 1:56pm April 28

Haha that sounds so gay, Dush.

I don't agree on the lipstick paying for our national debt. It's a waste of a pretty thing. Yung mga fugly politicos na lang ipambayad natin for that.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:00pm April 28

Since we're on the topic of Veblen goods. What bag/purse do you guys lust for anyhow? Isa, isa lang ha.

Maricar Serrano at 2:00pm April 28

but...but...but...the plan is to lace the purty lipztix with fatal potion! the moled midget will drop dead, head first! its a bgek plan hun!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:08pm April 28

Carlerm: Dude, you lost me. Let's just discuss pretty things first. I'm a lover not a fighter (palibhasa nasa Hong Kong ka at galit na galit mga kababayan natin diyan).

Teresa Ibañez at 2:10pm April 28

Pwede ang plan na yan for the moled midget.

Dush, I will only approve of the $62T if the lipstick stays on for life.

Next question please- I don't buy Veblen goods. It's for the insecure and shallow.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:11pm April 28

Tere: Yeah right. You don't have any Gucci, Cartier, Prada, etc... in your closet? Nagseseminar tayo naka Gucci ka pa eh.
Veblen your face!

Teresa Ibañez at 2:21pm April 28

Donations lang yun sa kin. Isa akong dukha.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:22pm April 28

Apir! Ako rin. Love me and feed me...and for God's sake clothe me. (A Knight's Tale reference).

Teresa Ibañez at 2:25pm April 28

Apir- hindi ko alam kung matatawa ko dahil tunog dushka ka o dahil napaka 70s ng term na ito. PIMPL.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:29pm April 28

Kailan ba tayo ipinanganak aber?

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:29pm April 28

Batsi na tayo, may dumadating na parak.

Teresa Ibañez at 2:33pm April 28

1977. May point ang dushka.

Sige, mahirap nang mahuli ng mga pigoy. Batsi na, repapips.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:33pm April 28

OMGWTFBBQ!

Teresa Ibañez at 2:34pm April 28

At ano naman yang pautot na yan?!?

Maricar Serrano at 2:43pm April 28

hahaha....pagdating sa edad, bilis sumibat ang dush bgek gang! ayos!

Teresa Ibañez at 2:43pm April 28

Thanks for the PM. I'm a proponent of the Bgek Ideology even before it was born.

Teresa Ibañez at 2:46pm April 28

Maricar- baka bumatsi para mag diamond peel gamit ang Guerlain lipstick (nang di mahalata ang edad).

Maricar Serrano at 2:48pm April 28

hahaha...clever and purty girl!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:49pm April 28

Carlerm and Tere: Go get a room.

Maricar Serrano at 2:50pm April 28

shut up u dush!

Teresa Ibañez at 2:56pm April 28

And satisfy your fantasies? I'm not falling for that ploy, Dush.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 2:58pm April 28

Don't forget these key words sweetie: Guerlain’s KissKiss Gold and Diamonds lipstick. Winner take all.

Maricar Serrano at 3:00pm April 28

i wont mind kissin a girl for that! did i win???? did i? DID I?

;) :p

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 3:07pm April 28

Carlerm: It must be consensual and on .AVI format; ala Mocha.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 3:59pm April 28

Hello? *tumbleweed passes by.*

Teresa Ibañez at 4:11pm April 28

Hahaha may tumbleweed ka pang nalalaman. Very Western film.

Panibagong usapan naman- sabihin mo sa madla ang paborito mong sapatos- Stiletto o ballet flats?

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 4:12pm April 28

Alpombra. I thank you.

Maricar Serrano at 4:15pm April 28

liar! u loved my "fuck me"pumps!!!

tried it on and walked around....wearing lipstick and all....

u were sexeh!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 4:16pm April 28

Sigh.

Teresa Ibañez at 4:21pm April 28

Dushkang dushka

Maricar Serrano at 4:22pm April 28

planggana!!!

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 4:26pm April 28

I just realized, both of you are 'baklang babae.'
Strip. Now. Prove you're not.

Teresa Ibañez at 4:35pm April 28

Matagal na kong out, Dush. High school pa lang. At 4 pa lang ako, tanggap na ng mga magulang ko ang pagka-bakla ko.

May nickname pa ko nung HS, pero hindi ko sasabihin. Sabihin na lang nating ang inspirasyon ay isa sa mga awitin ng VST.

Teresa Ibañez at 4:36pm April 28

Strip ka diyan. Bakla ako, hindi uto-uto.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 4:49pm April 28

Nosebleed.

Teresa Ibañez at 4:51pm April 28

Pahiram ko sa 'yo pink pashmina ko, na sa kasalukuyang nakabalabal sa king ulo.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 4:52pm April 28

Ano ka? Lamp? Hindi ka naman magpapatalo eh, halika rito, 'let's kiss and make up.'

Ahehe. Make up.

Teresa Ibañez at 4:59pm April 28

ROTFL.

Ayaw mo maniwala? Ikaw ang pumunta dito- lahat kasi ng AC vents nakatapat sa ulunan namin kaya ilang araw nang may naka balabal sa ulo ko. Matalino kasi nag-design ng opisina.

Sa di sinasadyang pagkakataon, napauso ko ang "Jihad Chic".

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 5:13pm April 28

I have a blood brother named Jihad, he's not a chic. Kindly switch back to English so our foreign readership may relate. Mahina kita--lugi negosyo.

Teresa Ibañez at 5:21pm April 28

Ah ganun ba? Sige, i-pagpag ang P500 sa computer nang lumakas ang benta.

Umamin ka, ikaw ang hindi marunong managalog kaya gusto mong bumalik tayo sa wikang banyaga. Akala ko ba ang idelohiya ng Bgek ay para sa mga tunay na multi-lingual, at hindi lamang "code switching"? Sige, para sa yo, titigil na kong magsalita sa 'ting katutubong wika.

*Switches back to English mode*

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 5:57pm April 28

Binibining Ibañez, ukol sa iyong pananaw, masasabi ko na hindi makatuwiran ang iyong ipinapahiwatig. Bagama't sa Ika-limang baitang ng mababang paaralan ng Ateneo de Manila ko lamang natutunan ang wikang pambansa--ikinalulugod kong ipagmalaki na kahit paano lumalalim ang batis ng aking kaalaman ukol sa salita ng aking mga ninuno (puwera ang mga ... Read Moreaking ninunong Tsino na nagtiyagang makipagsapalaran at magnegosyo dito sa lungsod ng Pasig.

Ikinalulugod kong ipahiwatig ko sa iyo ang aking pananaw ukol sa kasalukuyang pakikipagbalitaktakan natin. Ito ay dahil nais kong iparamdam sa iyo na kailangan na natin humunos-dili. Bgek.

Nagpapasalamat ako na hindi ako kumuha ng Humanidades o Sining Komunikasyon noon sa ating taus-pusong minamahal na Unibersidad sapagka't kung ganon ang nangyari ay hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pupulutin oh kung anong edisyon ng Abante ang itatakip sa aking mistulang nakangiting bangkay na rumaragasa ang dugo galing sa ilong. Hindi na pala kasya, pakshet.

Teresa Ibañez at 6:10pm April 28

You're over-the-top! I'm shaking with laughter.

Cush Marcellus Evangelista at 6:19pm April 28

Marunong din ako maglaba.